Heroic horror stories!

WTB heroic horror stories pls! I'm at work and need a laugh.

I'll start.
I outgear H SP by a wide margin but the other day I had a shitty healer and my screen blinked red (less than 30% health) more often then not. I finally got rid of him after one of the Champions Intimidating Shouted me and the rogue and proceeded to one-shot the DPS warrior and the priest. The priest asked if we let him die on purpose.

My response: "Yeah, we MC'd the mob and used Intimidating Shout so he could pwn you two. Thought it'd be funny. Lol."
He left group and hearthed. I was sure my comment would've tipped the sarcasm meter.

Please share!
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First time in Hramps...

Pally healer...

PvP gear (ok red flag)

Mix of more spirit than really needed (ok red flag #2).

Get to the first pull, died. Was using Eavesdrop at this point in time ... One, ONE flash of light in 15 seconds.

Told him, he replied "you shouldn't be prot, I know how to heal."




Finally destroyed to the ramp. Took the first pull at the bottom, two flashes of light, one burned LoH and trinkets, dead 30 seconds later.

Again he tells the party "tank's a nub, can't tank this stuff"

Posted the Eavesdrop end of battle report and told him to "stfu and l2heal PvE nub." He left group right after the rest of the party laughed at him for a while.

Oddly enough, we got a priest healer, and things went quite smooth from there on out.
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Official thread killer

My friend and I were doing heroic Steamvaults... last time we had been there the triple caster pulls gave us a few scares (we had no CC) so we decided we wanted a Mage for this next group. Well, the only Mage we could find wouldn't join unless we invited his Warrior friend. Fine, we needed another DPS anyways.

This Warrior is wearing multiple pieces of tanking gear, using a Crystalforged War Axe, while the mage is in mostly blues and S1 gear. I know they aren't going to be fantastic right off the bat but I figure with me being the tank and my friend being the healer we control how well things will go.

When we pull the Warrior charges in and DPSes nearly every mob from the front. Obviously I'm not going to get owned because of parries but any decent melee DPS should know that its better to be behind a mob... ESPECIALLY WHEN THE MOB CLEAVES! So I tell the Warrior not to stand in front of mobs that cleave. He continues to do it anyways. This makes me curious at how much DPS he's actually doing, so I open recount and I'm not really surprised to see it but I won't lie, I'm pretty amazed. He was doing a whopping 296 DPS. I honestly would've figured he could've pulled more than that auto attacking. Whatever, can't kick him or we lose the Mage. So we get to the first boss, just for kicks my friend asks this Warrior if this is his first time in Steamvaults. He says yes. So I explain to him all he really has to do is DPS the focus target and move out of hurricanes. Not sure if he did the first part correctly because he failed the second part pretty fast. So we four man the boss and move on.

We get to the AoE gnome packs in front of the second boss. My friend and I are drinking and the Mage just runs in to one, hits AE once and dies.

Mage: WTF were my heals???
Friend: wth
Me: That was really stupid.
Mage: wtf man
Me: Seriously, that was pretty retarded.
Mage: how else do u kill them??
Me: Well first you let me tank them before you run in and die in a split second.
Mage: oh ok, sorry im kinda dumb sometimes (at least he's honest)

So we kill the second boss and move towards the last one... 3 pulls away from him my shield breaks. We didn't wipe more than once (Sheep broke and the mage didn't resheep) so it must have been my fault forgetting to repair. The Mage says "joy" and I start running out of the instance.

Mage has left the group.
Warrior has left the group.

I couldn't figure out why they left seeing as they were basically getting free badges. The pug Hunter, my friend and myself were basically carrying them through the instance.
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Heroic UB with a friend of mine, newly 70 but, well you know how it is when you trust someone to play their class so damned well and not to screw up you'd invite them anyway, plus it's fun having company and he needs the wand off Black Stalker.

So the enhancement shaman I'd had on friends list a while after 1 instance whispers me "lul dude, ya know that warlock sucks right?" me:"Uh, he's a damned good friend of mine and knows how to play his class, he'll out DPS you." Said shaman is kitted out in epics. "Oh, well any friend of yours is skilled."

Warlock ends up #2 on the DM behind an epicced hunter, and not by much. Should mention the warlock is affliction and <3 him dotting every single mob in pulls. Ok so his boss DPS was a little low but that was his own stupid fault for using CoD when boss fights didn't last even 1 min
And TBH, I don't really care about his boss dps, getting the trash downed faster makes for a faster run, the boss is gonna die either way.

Shaman at the end ">.< damnit!"
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I have ADHD and OCD...I keep forgetting to wash my hands.

Me being tank, and my GF being a holy priest, we normaly hold up bad groups and run heroics with no problems at all.

Well she goes out to lunch with some friends and i figure..why not, lets pug !

So I get a group together, priest is in full S1 pvp gear, normaly i am very anti PVP gear because 99% of the time its a retard flag, but i had been looking for a healer for about 25 min and got desperate.

We went to heroic Slave pens because it was the daily (the priest asked where you get the quest..... yea i know.. i brought this pain on myself)

1st pull i get a bubble...

and..

and..

and......

dead.


me: Um, heal?
priest: my bubble is good dps, was waiting for it to cooldown

me: (hearth, log off)

Not a Heroic, but from Kara this weekend (I was on my Arms warrior). Prepping up for Moroes;

ME (Raid leader): Ok, usual strat. Kill three, skull -> star - > triangle.
ME: OT on 2nd threat for Moroes and holding star & triangle. I'll lead the DPS through the kill targets. Shackle on moon. Voidwalker assist on the moon.
Priest: Sorry, I missed the assignments, what am I shackling?
ME: You're shackling moon. Moon is always shackle.
ME: Ok, let's go. Star/Triangle OT, Moon shackle. Positions, pull when ready.

Combat begins...

ME: Where's that shackle? Moon needs to be shackled!
THE WHOLE RAID: Shackle the moon, it's MS'ing the MT!
Priest: Huh? I need to shackle?

...
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Zen Tanking - http://zentanking.blogspot.com

The amount of melee DPS dpsing from front even if the mob Cleaves is rather impressing, it keeps happening to me all the time nowadays. The funny thing is that some of those then blame me for "not holding aggro".

I can recognise thousands of interesting stories about PuGs. Both me and our MT sometimes PuG kara, just for the sake of having some laughs with the nubs (and the personal epenis of the "wtf 20k hp tank"). I also often PuG heroics, just for the sake of doing something challenging. Heroics arent challenging, it's the PuG that make them so.

Usually, the first thing i do is checking the healer. If the healer is PvP geared/specced, possibly with full S1, i'll make sure to abuse of CC cause i know he won't be able to keep me up. If he's in blues but PvE specced i'm going to AoEtank most of the place since he probably is more skilled than his "full epix" counterpart.

Talking about DPS, it's quite impressive the amount of people that will try to CC something even if you have told them to not do it. Most of the mages i've found for example, no matter what, will try to Sheep mobs in my consecration, until it breaks for the 10th time when they should give up.

Talking about the horrorific stories...
- Some mage i found once, was complaining for me not using CC in heroic UB (reminder, i'm full BT-MH geared) and i was going to wipe the party cause "noone can tank 4 heroic mobs and survive".
- Some other rogue instead, obviously dpsing from front, answered to my suggestion to "dps from behind" by saying that if i didn't break his saps he wouldnt be overaggroing (while doing 400 DPS)
- One of the best mages i met was one that for unknown reason, in SH heroic, when i was still playing my warrior, insisted to fireball his sheep target, then sheep it, and then whining about my thunderclap breaking it (while it was instead broke by the DoT)
- The huge amount of hunters that, if overaggroing, would NOT feign death is known everywhere, doesn't matter if the mob will oneshot them, FD is not an option.
It's just a essay, in 3 years of pugging you really find the worst possible players around
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My horror story took place just yesterday in the Slave Pens...

Let me preface this by saying that I by no means trivialize heroics (even one as easy as SP) with my gear. I am sitting at 12K HP un-buffed, 13 K armor, 500 Def, and an OK amount of true avoidance. I don't expect to waltz into any heroic and just win, but with these stats and well-placed CC, it shouldn't be HARD either.

So, I was in a group last night with a Holy Paladin, 2 Warlocks, Myself and a Mage. Should be EASY. We get through the first few pulls. I kinda felt that our DPS was a bit light, but I just let it go. I notice that the mage is spamming arcane missiles... That's fine, I guess.

As we come to the first bog lord pull, I am just a little concerned given what has proven to be light DPS. We get him down with relative ease, however, the mage backs up into a group of mobs that we skipped. I try to pick them up, but even with a banish and a sheep our healer can't keep me up. Wipe 1.

We then begin to make our way to the ramp for the second bog lord pull. Warlock pulls the group of mobs guarding the ramp. Again, I taunt. We die. Wipe 2.

We get the bog lord down. And someone pulls that same group AGAIN. Wipe 3.

We get the pat of 3 spore bats. I jump on the ramp and make my way to the dual pull before the boss. I sit to grab a quick drink and make sure I have my stuff together, and what do i see behind me? Death. Destruction. Mayhem. Someone pulled the freaking group at the foot of the ramp AGAIN.

Poor form, I know, but I simply logged off right there. I had wasted 45 minutes, 3 Elixirs of Major Agility and Fortitude- which (come on) generally shouldn't be necessary in a heroic, and damn it if I was going to try to attempt a boss with these people. I can only imagine the horror of trying to explain that they need to stay away from the mushrooms after they have proven that they can't stay away from the 5 guys.

Truthfully, given the poor job healing and the close to awful DPS we had, I am not totally convinced that we would have gotten past the dual bog lords.

I've only had to leave a group once, in a bad H ramps PUG, the other 4 were all guidies together (rogue, mage, hunter, pally healer), talking in chat about how stoned they were etc....

RIGHT WHEN WE ZONE IN the mage in the group runs up to the first pack of mobs, AoEs, dies in 1 second, I barely zone out in time, everyone else is dead. I guess they were too good and didn't need buffs. Anyways, I rez em all, they just laugh it off.

We kill a few packs, then we get to the first group with the dogs. Pull goes smooth, but the same mage decides to position himself on the far side, closer to the mobs we haven't cleared yet.....and manages to bring another group of mobs. Best part? I get blamed for it. I guess you can't blame your own guildies.

Rez again, get a little farther......wipe again. Just want to mention at this point that with the exception of the pally healer (who was T4+ geared), everyone else was in blues with PvP epics at beast.

We are maybe 3 packs away from the first boss, but I just can't take it anymore. No one was paying attn to any markings, when I would ask the rogue to "please sap the triangle mob", I think it literally took him maybe 10 minutes to finish off his bong hit and register that I was talking to him. Pulls were excruciating.

So I excused myself from the group, basically said I didn't think this was going to work out, wished them gl, and disbanded/hearthed.

I then get a tell from the pally healer, telling me I sucked as a tank, and to "please get gear for heroics". I'm no super tank, but I'm about 13k hps and 14.5k armor unbuffed, and I've done plenty of heroics in the past. I told him that it was funny he sent me that tell, and if gear was such a determining factor, I wondered if he told his friends the same thing, considering the other 3 had a few green items on them, and the hunter was still using Valanos bow. No reply.

Few days later I noticed one of them in Shattrath, and noticed their guild had disbanded lol.

To this day, everytime I see a hunter in group with Valanos Bow I cringe a little....and it's amazing how many lvl 70 hunters are still using it.

I guess to be fair I have my one story to share. Nothing special though.

It was a Shattered Halls run, don't remember if it was heroic or not (probably not given a hunter being wacked on and living). I was on my paladin healing. There was a hunter who absolutely, without a doubt, was pulling agro on every single pull for the first 3 pulls or so. He'd simply unload on the mob to be dps'd before the tank even had a chance to generate threat.

The mob would hit the hunter, the tank would chase it, I'd heal the hunter, get healing agro because the tank hadn't gotten the other mobs yet, heal myself, rinse and repeat.

After about three or four of those pulls I stopped healing the hunter. A pull or two later I asked the hunter if he had MD and if he could MD whatever target to the tank for the next pull. The response, after asking twice, was something short and simple like "yes", or "ok". We pull, no MD, no nothing, same crap as before.

"Sorry guys, this isn't going to work out. Thanks for the invite and have fun"

I'm not really in the mood to teach someone what they're doing wrong, mostly because people tend to not want to hear it even if you say it in the most tactful way possible.

I did get a whisper or two from the tank and I told him why I left. He didn't say anything in response.
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When: Last Night
Where: My playground - Heroic UB
Why: Daily

So last night I thought I'd foray into a pug LF a tank on the trade channel for the daily heroic.

For some odd reason no guildies of note were on, and lets face it, sometimes I just feel like a dirty ol pug.

So we go in there. There were a few alarm bells...

"Zomg fully epic tankk guys!" - redflag

"Whose tanking?" - redflag

"Err the one with 17.9k hp" (Ok I had fort, Kings, Stam food . Its fun to impress the puggers)

"OK but whose tanking" -redflag

/facepalm.

So I look at the group.
Mage
Shadowpriest
Tree druid
Hunter.

Wow. Not bad. UB is a pallytanks playground (not quite as much as SH) but hey, we can aoe the lot.

I interrupt the groups chatting about whos going to CC and if we should boot the spriest cause "WE needsz more CC gys kk" - redflag

So after the hunter (who surprisingly was the only one who actually sounded like he knew anything) explained that he loved pallytanks and just to nuke everything, We started to pull.

And pull and pull. The mage uses arcane missles yet they are fire spec.
Hmm.

"Mage (ingame names censored) please AoE."
"Cnt I will die" - redlfag
"Try it I Dare you"

*Arcane Blast x 50,0000 on next pull*
(She still didnt pull aggro) -redflag

Ok I'll stop the red flags....you get it by now.

So the mage started to AoE. She used her fire aoe and her arcane blast a bit. Once before consecrate and nearly died. She obviously didn't read my pug macro I posted at the start.

We reach the first boss (p.s. I ALWAYS take the 3 inbetween the bog lords before the ramp, its too dangerous not to).

Oo look recounts not on. /recount show

DPS for Overall Data
1. Hunter 590dps 31%
2. Pallytank 540dps 30%
3. Mage 420dps 22%
4. Spriest 350dps 15%
5. Druid 16dps 2% (he had been doing druid aoe).

Those are the rough figuires....hangon a minute. WTF is up with the dps. Im used to guidie mages and marks hunters popping 1000dps, and spriest doing 700-800. This is not good.

So we slave away not wiping, but I slowely start to realise the fights are taking way longer than they should have. I overtake the hunter on dps at one point. The group was full of funny people, and the overall cheer of it was good. Probably what made me stay.

I announce to them after the second boss that we don't have enough dps for the last. Apparantly I was wrong.

We all know the Black Stalker is essentially a DPS race. Everyone in the circle, and nuke him before the ads overwhelm you. I'll summarize the 5 goes we had.
Bear in mind I explicitly explain the fight before hand.

1. No one except me goes in the circle. This means they are all in his "reset" area. This means he levitates me and only me, then runs over to them resetting his hp to full and killing the group. I survive and run down the hall and reset him.

2. I explain they all have to come in. Only 2 people come in. We are going fine until I get levitated on the second levitate and the boss runs at the spriest. The boss is on 55%. Spriest runs down the hall resetting the boss. Everyone dies except me and the spriest.

3. We all go in, except the healer. Healer gets nuked by the ads. We wipe.

4. The group insists the best strategy is to dps the ads down when they appear. I disagree, and highlight lack of dps, and 3 wipes due to no one following the initial strategy. The group vetos me. I run with it.
We go into the circle. The group swaps to killing the ads when they appear. More ads come. Everyone except me dies eventually due to the ads. Blackstalker never drops below 70% health.

5. I tell them that this time they all gotta listen to me. I run to the far end of the circle so they physically have to come in to get range. The fight goes smooth. I taunt what ads I can onto me. Blackstalker lasts over 3 minutes before finally dying, the whole group is on about 20% hp.

Im sure they learnt a bit during the run. I learnt frustration. UB is probably the easiest heroic IMO, and honestly the blackstalker fight only takes a minute with decent dps.

Oh well! Horror story ftw!
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See my blog - http://sealofrogueshness.blogspot.com